Gas or Brakes?

Are you a person who likes to always have your foot on the gas, or do you tend to ride the brakes when you drive? I would guess that many of the people reading this are “foot on the gas” kind of people. Leaders often are. And yet, have you noticed that every vehicle — even expertly designed performance models — come equipped with both gas pedals and brakes. Why?

You need both.

The same applies in our organizations. Heidi Grant Halvorson has dubbed foot on the gas people as promoters, whose goal is to make good things happen. She also notes that protectors, those ride the brakes people in your organization, work to keep bad things from happening. Both groups of people truly want what is best for your organization . . . and they can drive each other crazy.

Promoters often see protectors as glass is half empty sticks in the mud who take great delight in poking holes in every great idea. Protectors, on the other hand, tend to see promoters as unrealistic dreamers who don’t understand all the details, risks and barriers involved in their grand plan. As a result, it can feel like these groups of people are constantly at odds with each other, leaving everyone frustrated and sucking the momentum out of your efforts.

How can you get promoters and protectors to work with each other, rather than seemingly against each other? Start with intent. Both groups want what is best for the organization, they just have different ideas of what that looks like . . . and you need both perspectives! To drive to the top of the mountain, you need the gas to propel you, and also breaks to keep you from driving off a cliff. Have that conversation with the team. Discuss how the different perspectives may result in creative tension, but also lead to better and more sustainable results. Encourage the promoters big ideas . . . as well as the reality check offered by the protectors — which rather than throwing cold water on a plan can actually push the team to come up with an even better, and more sustainable, alternative.

As the leader, it is your responsibility to help your team see that promoters and protectors need to partner with each other, in a synergistic give and take, if the entire organization is going to succeed. Gas or brakes is a false choice. You need both gas AND brakes to get to the top of the mountain.

Stubbing Your Toe

How long has it been since you stubbed your toe?

I’m not talking literally, but rather those missteps, those momentarily painful stumbles you encounter when you are venturing down a new path. As a leader, do you think you are past that “stage” in your journey? If so, that is unfortunate, because that means you are no longer stretching and trying new things. As painful as it may be at the time, stubbing your toe is often when you learn lessons that will stay with you long after the momentarily throbbing subsides. There are three things to consider when it comes to stubbing your toe.

The alternative is standing still — which is rarely mentioned as a top leadership trait.

Effective leadership requires constant learning, adapting, and moving your organization forward. It requires exploring areas where you may not have expertise, or have never tried before, but are necessary to maximize the opportunities before you. Leaders sometimes have the mistaken impression that to be seen as successful, you need to not make mistakes. To be successful, you need to help your organization move in the direction of its strategic goals, which is rarely accomplished along a perfect, pain-free, path.

You have to let your people stub their toes, too.

As we look to expand our team’s leadership stills, to decide when someone is “ready” to take on a new challenge, there is a tendency to set the bar at where the leader, or another senior team member, is at the time . . . after years of carrying out a task. If that is your criteria for building your bench strength it will probably be a sparsely populated bench. Think back to when you started a particular task. Chances are you stubbed your toes plenty along the way. You need to give your emerging leaders the opportunity to do the same. Yes, it can be hard, at times even cringeworthy, to see your people stumble in ways that you would not. And yet, that is how they will grow into the leaders you need them to be.

When your team sees you “recalibrating” if things don’t go as planned, you give them permission to do the same.

Giving someone a stretch assignment is going to feel far less intimidating if your people see that you as the leader are willing to try new things, perhaps awkwardly at first, maybe limping through here and there, but always exploring and growing. It sends the message that they, too, will be given the latitude to try new things, learn from the stumbles, and keep going. And you need them to do just that.

The path to success is rarely a straight line. It is lined with twists and turns and plenty of things that can trip you up on the way to your final destination.

Where do you need to stub your toe?

Can You Receive?

Many of us grew up hearing that it is better to give than receive. I appreciate and agree with the importance of caring for others. However, I have seen too many leaders who have gotten really good at giving  . . . direction, strategy, decisions, opinions . . . and yet are not so good at the receiving part. We seem to have missed that the scriptural guidance says it is better to give than receive, not that we should not receive. So how, exactly, should we go about receiving as a leader? There are three key areas that are a good place to start:

Receive New Ideas

Can you hear the creative thoughts of others, or does every new action need to come from you? Beyond just a willingness to hear, do you actually encourage people to bring their unique perspective to an organizational challenge — even if their suggestion is significantly different from your own? You as the leader have to give your staff a safe environment to share their novel ideas before you can receive their best thinking. Instead of rolling your eyes, impatiently shutting them down with a dismissive “we’ve tried that before” or immediately challenging their opinion . . . ask questions, allow them to run their idea out a bit, and encourage them to connect ideas in a new and different way. In return, you will receive a more energized, committed team and a wealth of new ideas, some of which may be the key to your organization’s continued success.

Receive Feedback

This one is harder. It is one thing to encourage your staff to share their ideas, it is quite another to make it safe enough for them to offer constructive criticism of your ideas or the direction of a project. After all, you’re in charge, right? Well . . . it is your job to help the organization succeed, and sometimes that means changing your mind when someone offers new information or a perspective you had not previously considered. One way to open the door to receiving feedback is to ask what you are missing, or if there are variables you may not have considered. When you invite input, you increase the likelihood of receiving valuable feedback that can strengthen your leadership.

Receive Encouragement

Perhaps the hardest of all, at least for some of us, is being open to receiving encouragement. Yes, leadership can be lonely. We deal with a host of challenges that others aren’t aware of, and in our attempts to appear confident we may send the message that we don’t need people to offer their support. You don’t have to share all the details of the pressures before you, but you can still be transparent enough to allow others to help carry the load. And you might be surprised to learn that they feel valued when you let them provide encouragement where they can.

Leaders give a lot. Are you willing to receive?

Blowing Bubbles

After somewhat in-depth and totally unscientific research, I can report that it is impossible (or at least highly unlikely) to remain stressed out while blowing bubbles. Yes, I said bubbles – that soapy child’s concoction that you can pick up at your local dollar store. Maybe it is the deep, steady exhale required to unleash the bubbles, or the distracting pleasure of focusing on the size and color of the delicate floating creation. Have you ever seen anyone scowl or furrow their brow while blowing bubbles? I didn’t think so. Smiles and laughter are the most common response. It doesn’t take special equipment, or a membership, or a lot of time. And yet, blowing bubbles can be more grounding than a lot of other far more complicated strategies. 

Even if having a bottle of bubbles tucked in your desk drawer isn’t your calming strategy of choice (although don’t knock it until you have tried it), every leader needs to know what immediate, in-the-moment techniques are most effective for helping you center yourself in the midst of a high-stress situation. Maybe for you it is taking a five minute walk outside. Or making lists of details and options. A quick phone call with a family member — not about the stressor, just to ground yourself — may be helpful for some people. For others savoring a piece of good dark chocolate can provide the brief respite that allows them to calm their thinking and sharpen their focus.

There is not one right way to tap into your wise inner core in the midst of a stressful situation. Your people may prefer a totally different approach than you do, and that’s okay . . . as long as you have all taken the time to figure out what works best for individual members of your team. Someone who is calmed by making lists and getting details on paper may find talking a walk stresses them out because they are “wasting” time that they could be using to dissect the challenge. For others, without taking a few moments to breathe and gain perspective, their thought process may be scattered all over the place. In the heat of the moment, it is important to offer a measure of grace for members of your team who ground themselves differently than you do. And it is easier to do that if you have considered in advance how to best support your colleagues while also honoring what works best for you.

Not sure what in-the-moment strategy works best for you? While I can’t give you a definitive answer, you might want to start by blowing bubbles.

Complicated ≠ Complex

Is that thorny challenge before you complicated or complex? Because it can’t be both.

While there is a tendency to use those two words interchangeably, they really mean very different things. Complicated challenges are hard. They can be difficult to figure out. But once you identify the parts and how they interact, complicated challenges are predictable. You can develop systems around them. There is an order, a logic, to complicated things. They can be repeated. Yes, it may take a specialized level of skill or expertise, but complicated challenges can be solved. Sending a rocket to the moon is complicated. Writing computer code is complicated. But there is a formula for success.

Complex challenges, on the other hand, are unpredictable. With complex challenges, you cannot look at the individual parts and find a linear cause and effect chain.  You have to consider the ever-shifting whole. For complex challenges, there is not predictability or a single right answer. Complex challenges require one to be agile, willing to experiment, fail and adapt. Complex challenges are a moving target. They are ambiguous. You don’t “solve” complex problems. You have to lead your way through them.

If you are a leader, you need to find really smart people to focus on your complicated challenges so you can spend your time on the complex ones. For example, what is the best strategy to expand your market share? Well that depends on what your competitors do. That depends on what happens to the price of your raw materials. That depends on how people react your offerings . . . you get the picture. You have to consider the interplay of all the moving parts to make the best decision at that moment in time. A week from now, the variables may be different. Are you willing to experiment and fail? Are you comfortable continually recalibrating based on new information, while also recognizing that you have to get a product to market?

Don’t limit your impact by approaching a complex problem like a complicated one. Too many leaders get stuck because they think if they just gather more “data” they will find the right path forward. Complex challenges are not like a math problem. There is not a single right answer. And the minute one of the variables change, the options before you change as well. With complex challenges, you need to consider the information before you and take the next best step. Then reassess, recalibrate, and take the next best step. Yes, be clear on where you are trying to get to, but you cannot chart your entire path before you start because the “best” way forward is constantly shifting.

Complex challenges require confidence . . . to make a decision that doesn’t come with a guarantee. They require humility . . . to know that you most likely need to course correct.

They require agility . . . because you have to quickly assess the situation and decide.

Complex challenges require leadership . . . it’s really no more complicated than that.


Do you know the one thing that diminishes a leader’s energy more than anything else? 


As in, they won’t let us do that . . . they don’t understand . . . they just made our job more difficult. All of these things may be true, however do you feel the depletion of energy, almost like a reverse battery, with each successive “they?” When you focus on they, or them, you give away your power. As a result, you feel ever more confined by the box of something you can’t control. 

I’m not suggesting that you should deny the reality of the situation. I am, however, challenging you to shift your focus. “I understand we are being told we can’t do that. And here is how we are going to respond” . . . “There seems to be a lack of understanding about this. How can we help bridge the gap?” Do you feel the difference in energy? They statements are the equivalent to throwing your hands up. They becomes the reason you quit trying. I or we statements are about action. I or we remind you, and everyone on your team, that you have a choice. It may not be an easy choice, or a popular choice, but you have a choice. You can affect the outcome. And that is energizing.

Never make the solution to a challenge something outside your control. Doing so makes you a victim to circumstance . . . feel your energy draining away? “Oh poor me” never accomplished anything important. In fact, it shrinks you down smaller and smaller with each retelling of the tale (and, oh how we like to repeat our tales of woe). If you feel yourself in that spot . . . stop, take an energizing breath, and focus on how we are going to respond. You don’t have to have all the answers, but you can choose to take a step. 

Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl noted that, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” In that space lies your energy as a leader. Don’t stop short. Don’t stop at they. Your people need you to get to the we — that is how you grow, and how you expand your influence as a leader and as an organization.

They are always going to be there. Will you let them deplete your energy, or will you step forward and recharge your leadership? The choice is yours.

Strong Enough to be Kind

Do you have the strength to be kind? 

In the midst of an increasingly caustic, blaming, shout-over-you culture, you could perhaps be wondering if those two things — strength and kindness — really go together. I would contend that today more than ever, we need leaders who are strong enough to be kind.

Kindness is about being considerate and respectful. You can say hard things or hold people accountable and still be kind. In fact, it is much easier for people to actually hear what you have to say when you share your thoughts in a considerate, respectful manner. When you offer feedback — even feedback that may be hard to hear — with a positive intent, people tend be to less defensive and more likely to consider the perspective you are offering. Kindness often fosters the kind of genuine conversation that rarely happens with a strong-arm, command and control approach.

In many cases people mistakenly equate being kind with making people comfortable. But think about it . . . is it considerate and respectful to withhold feedback from someone that would help them be more successful just because the conversation will make them – or you – uncomfortable? Too often, we dance around the issue we are trying to address, alluding to the point but not actually making it, all under the guise of being “kind.” But that approach really isn’t. What often happens is that we are “kindly” unclear as to our expectations, we then get frustrated because the person didn’t get the point or change their behavior, which increases the likelihood that we will ultimately respond in an unkind manner. It’s a vicious cycle that far too many people fall into.

You can be considerate and still be clear. You can be respectful and still challenge someone’s perspective. You can be kind and still have high standards. If someone reacts negatively to your message, you do not have to respond by matching their tone or tactic. While that may feel momentarily satisfying, it ultimately diminishes your impact. You display greater strength as a leader when you remain respectful, share your intent and don’t get sucked into an escalating tit for tat. Granted in some situations, that is easier said than done. At the end of the day, however, the reason you should be kind is not because someone has earned it or deserves it, but because it is a reflection of your leadership. 

Are you strong enough to be kind?

The Enemy of Good

Voltaire is credited with first noting, “The best is the enemy of the good.” Even with all of the variations of this saying offered by those we look to for wisdom, the concept still trips us up . . . We are afraid that we might not say something in the best way, so we don’t say anything at all . . .  Our success isn’t 100% assured, so we never start . . . We give too much weight to someone else’s critique and allow it to undermine our confidence in a plan.

For those of you (okay, those of us) who strive to be the best (fill in the blank), let’s set the record straight: Best is a relative term. It lies in the eye of the beholder. Best is a “binary trap” that keeps far too many people from ever starting. It’s a false sense of either/or — either you are the best or you’re not — that drains the energy out of a lot of things that could be pretty awesome. So what steps can you take to make sure the quest for the best doesn’t become the enemy of good?

• Recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect plan. Have you ever developed a plan for anything that went exactly the way you thought it would? Plans provide the guardrails that give you a place to start, and a general idea of the direction you should go. However, even “the best” plan will evolve as you move through it, so why not give yourself a head start with a plan that is “good enough to get going” and adapt as needed?

• “Best” is a point in time, excellence is a journey. Pick your sport — the “best” on any given day may not be in the next game/race/match. Continuous improvement, upping your game, strengthening your fundamental skills is something that we all can strive for, regardless of the score at a particular point in time. Thinking about how to be the best doesn’t move the dime, so get out there and start already.

There will always be someone who disagrees. Even if you feel you have the best plan, the best people, the best strategy . . . there will always be someone who thinks you are full of hooey. There is a critic around every corner, especially for someone who holds themselves out as a leader, who is taking the risk to move forward. Instead of being discouraged, why not see the critique as an indication that you are creating enough forward momentum to challenge the status quo, and then use that as motivation to keep going.

Where is “best” your enemy? Maybe it is time to call its bluff.

And when you do, don’t be surprised if you find yourself moving right past good, all the way to amazing! 

Trying on Shoes

Originally Published November 11, 2015

I believe one of the keys to wise leadership is the ability to try on a lot of shoes . . . not all of which will be comfortable. Some may pinch a bit, or have you tottering to maintain your balance. Some will be well-worn and rather tattered with little to no support. Others will be thick and rigid like a ton of bricks. And dozens of others will fall somewhere in between. But the time and effort it takes to walk a mile in someone’s shoes (not a block, a block is easy, we’re talking a mile here) can make all the difference in moving you from “reasonable” . . . “justifiable” decisions to truly impactful ones.

You may make one decision when all you see is a child’s disruptive behavior, and you want that behavior to stop. You may make an entirely different decision when you realize that no one was home to get the child up in the morning, he is basically raising his baby sister, he is scared and hungry, and putting on a tough exterior so no one will know. If you’re going for impact, simply addressing the behavior will to little to truly change the situation.

While it may be easier to empathize with a child, the same concept applies to staff, contractors, partner organizations — you know, those we call “grown-ups.”  When one of these individuals acts in a seemingly illogical, from your perspective detrimental, or otherwise aggravating manner, do you insist that they fall in line (afterall, you’re the leader, right?!?) or do you dig a bit deeper to see why they are responding as they are?

You’re right. You don’t have time to hold everyone’s hand, to nurse them along until they can get on board. And I’m sure you will have much more time down the line, when your project gets derailed and you have invest the time to go back and try to re-group, or fill the void left by a partner who decided to walk away. I understand, your shoes are really comfortable. Why should you mess with trying on someone else’s shoes?

Because, hopefully, you’re in this leadership gig for the long haul. And making decisions without taking into consideration other perspectives is short-sighted.  That doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like every decision you make, but it does mean when you seek first to understand you have a better chance of reaching your ultimate goals. 

So how do you know when you need to test drive some new footwear? A good starting point is when you find yourself taking a hard line on something, and aren’t interested in someone else’s opinion. That is usually exactly when you need to take a walk the most. You ultimately may not change your position, and that’s fine. When people know you looked at a situation from their perspective, even if they aren’t thrilled with the ultimate decision, it becomes easier for them to come on board and take the journey with you.

Maybe it’s time you tried on some new shoes.

The Opportunity of New Dimensions

The mind, once stretched by a new idea never returns to its original dimensions.Oliver Wendell Holmes

All of us have had our minds stretched in the last year. Things we might have been sure would never work, actually did. Ideas we had been talking about but hadn’t implemented fell into place much more smoothly than we might have imagined (nothing like a crisis to reduce resistance to change!). We learned that expectations around what was “required” to do our job perhaps weren’t really quite as non-negotiable as we thought. And the creativity, oh the creativity and adaptability we have witnessed in the past 12 months . . .

So now that people are beginning to talk about a return to “normal,” how should you as a leader go about guiding people toward something that, for all practical purposes, will never return to its original dimensions?

Recognize that “business as usual” won’t be. Those clear parameters no longer exist. This may trigger a sense of loss among those craving the seeming stability of “normal,” and enthusiasm from those who don’t want to give up the perceived benefits of new ways of working. No matter where they fall on the continuum, people will be looking to you to define the new normal.

It is the leader’s job to navigate divergent expectations. How can you provide predictability while also capitalizing on the positives of new-found flexibility? Where do your own desires or expectations fall in the mix? Is it necessary to have consistent expectations across the board, or can you have different “rules” for different roles? There is no proven best path on this one, and you still have to pick one.

Keep talking. Many leaders dramatically increased their communication and transparency during the pandemic. Your people have come to expect it. Don’t stop just because you are moving out of “crisis mode.” Everyone benefits when you keep the dialog going. Yes, it takes an investment of time. It is time well spent.

Don’t forget the human connection. In person, absolutely. Nothing replaces three-dimensions and spontaneous interactions . . . and yet, there was also a human side to the glimpses we gained into each other’s lives by zooming into make-shift home offices. How can we maintain that connection with, and appreciation for, the whole person we would hope to lead?

We have all been stretched. There is no going back. That also means you have a rare opportunity to provide a new dimension to your leadership, and your organization. How will you shape them?