Tag Archives: listen

The Path Forward

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Have you ever noticed that you can’t move forward by digging your heels in?

It seems that conflict, gamesmanship, and demonizing those who see the world differently is on the rise in a host of environments. Maybe, instead of shouting louder or throwing more “facts” at our most challenging situations, those of us who would call ourselves leaders need to instead take the time to listen — with the intention of hearing, not just as a way to look for cracks in the armor where we can reinforce our point.

There is a host of research indicating that diverse teams strengthen an organization’s performance. Both inherent diversity (something you are born with) and acquired diversity (which comes from experience) can impact how one views a particular situation and issue. Do you as a leader not want as much information — as many different perspectives — as possible before making a decision? For example . . . imagine you are in charge of a building project. Do you not want to hear the opinion of the electrician, the plumber, the roofer, the person who will be coordinating the process, and perhaps even someone who has built a similar type of building? They may all give you a different perspective, with lots of legitimate rationale about why their opinion should take precedence. Those perspectives are all valuable as you work toward the best possible end goal.

There is no doubt that incorporating a diversity of perspectives in decision-making takes longer, can be uncomfortable and emotion-laden, and at times it may feel like there is no mutually agreeable path forward. That’s why the role of leaders is more important today than ever before. It takes a strong leader to push for the “and” rather than settling for the “or.” Roger Martin refers to such people as integrative thinkers — people who can hold two seemingly conflicting ideas in a constructive tension while working toward a new solution. It’s not settling for trade-offs, it’s leveraging our different perspectives to achieve a better outcome.

None of this is to say that you as a leader can’t have some non-negotiables. It simply means that no one person or perspective has a corner on all the good ideas, and it is a leader’s job to push through the hard stuff to find new insight/solutions/models on the other side of the complexity . . . to seek common ground, fill in gaps of understanding and commit to finding a new, better response.

There will always be plenty of people who will dig their heels in and tell you why they are right. It is a leader’s job to recognize that a diversity of perspectives offers rich opportunities for learning, insight, and the best chance at finding a path forward.

A Servant and a Debtor

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Card you envelope thank nobody copy paperAccording to Max DePree, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant and a debtor.”

Most leaders understand that part of their job is to define reality for their organizations and, at least as we approach Thanksgiving, will pause to say thanks to their staff. However, many of us in positions of leadership would do well to consider how we could redouble our efforts in the middle — by focusing on being a servant and a debtor in our organizations.

If the first thought that popped into your head after reading that last sentence was that you are too busy for all that warm and fuzzy stuff . . . that it might sound good but you need to make sure there is a clear return on investment for your efforts . . . I would simply point out that you might be surprised at how small actions on your part can have a significant impact on the culture of your organization, and its ultimate success. What exactly do I mean by small actions?

Ask your people for their opinion, and then really listen to what they have to say. So often as leaders, we listen to respond, to make a case for our position, rather than to hear what our people are thinking. You might be surprised at what you learn when you listen to hear. As an added bonus, your staff can tell the difference, and they feel valued when you truly seek their opinion.

Make it your priority to help your staff, rather than just expecting them to help you. When you help your staff — whether by removing barriers, helping them tackle a problem, or finding ways to make their job easier — you create reciprocal energy that ultimately moves the organization forward. Really . . . it is not all about you and your goals.

Take a few minutes each day —not just at Thanksgiving — to say thanks. It won’t take a lot of time, I promise. Noticing and acknowledging a person’s effort virtually guarantees you will see more of that behavior. Even better, take two minutes and send a hand-written note. Such simple yet uncommon actions leave a lasting impression. (Ever saved a note that you received?)

Those suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg. Help clean up after an event . . . call or text someone to let them know you have their back . . . laugh with people . . . model organizational values . . . you get the idea. Long term, your people probably won’t remember this quarter’s goals. They will remember how you supported their efforts . . . as a debtor and a servant. And you will have even more reasons to give thanks.

The Other 93%

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Unhappy Discontent Woman And Man Look With Disgusting ExpressionWhether or not you believe Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s oft-quoted research that 55% of communication happens through nonverbals, 38% through vocal elements, and only 7% through the words we use, most people will concede that nonverbals play a major role in communications. So why is it that so many leaders seem to focus only on words and ignore the other 93%?

For starters, open two-way communication gets harder when people are placed in positions of leadership. Most people who report to you will be good students. Good students give the teacher the answer he or she wants to hear, whether or not they actually believe it’s true. After all, giving the “right” answer is the way you get good grades, right? So most people’s words tend to reinforce what the leader is already thinking . . . thus giving a 7% confirmation that everyone is on the same page regarding the best course of action.

But aren’t words more “concrete” than all subjective, nonverbal stuff? In a word, no. When words and nonverbals are in conflict trust the nonverbals, which are often unconscious and reflect true feelings or intentions. (Anyone who has raised a teenager can vouch for the truth of this concept.) People may say what they think they are supposed to, but for the leader who takes the time to “listen” to the nonverbals, there can be a whole host of information being communicated that isn’t being “said.” Whether it is a lack of eye contact, gestures or physical movement (such as someone tapping their foot, drumming their fingers or crossing their arms), how a person positions themselves in the room, or “the look on their face”, your people can say a lot without saying a word.

What can a leader do to make sure you are hearing the full message? Focus on the complete “conversation” taking place, not just the words being shared — by you or someone else. If you are thinking about what you are going to say next, you can miss subtle nonverbal cues that are communicating loud and clear if only you are attentive enough to notice. If a person’s words and nonverbals are inconsistent, ask for clarification — not in an accusing way, but in a spirit of seeking to understand . . . “Joe, you seem uncomfortable/unconvinced/skeptical . . . do you see the matter differently?” And then give Joe the opportunity to share his perspective.

When you consistently loop back with your people in this way, a) they will start to believe that you really do want to know what they are thinking, b) they will feel seen and valued because you noticed something that they may not have even been aware of conveying, and c) you will gain the value of the full message your people are communicating — through words they share . . . and the other 93%.

Listen up!

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bigstock--Listen upIt seems that listening is becoming a bit of a lost art, to everyone’s detriment. Without the ability to listen, we doom ourselves to never moving beyond the limits of our current thinking — and such thinking is limiting, regardless of how we might like to convince ourselves otherwise.

Listening is different than hearing. According to Merriam Webster, hearing is “the process, function, or power of perceiving sound.” This definition made me think of Charlie Brown’s teacher . . . waa wa waa wa wa. Yes, in today’s 24/7 environment, there is more sound out there to perceive than ever before. But are we listening, or do we simply see people’s mouths moving and filter what they are saying as good or bad . . . as supporting our position or challenging it?

Webster defines listening as “to pay attention to sound, to hear something with thoughtful attention, give consideration.” Giving consideration is a very different thing from perceiving sound. Which do you do most often?

Giving consideration isn’t about being “wishy washy,” or politically correct, or not having a strength of your convictions. To the contrary, the willingness to listen — really listen — requires a great deal of confidence. Are you confident enough to give thoughtful attention to a different perspective, and perhaps adjust your thinking a bit as a result? Are you confident enough to strive for the “best” in a situation rather than being “right”? (Best is about others, right is about you). Best comes from considering multiple perspectives . . . from listening . . . before you make a decision.

Leaders who don’t listen — who filter out input from anyone who doesn’t see the world as they do — often end up on an island of their own making, cut off from a large expanse of perspectives, insight, and potential. Islands can be cozy places, but they limit how far you can go. As a leader, if you find yourself on such an island (which happens more easily than you might think), what can you do? Listen.

Listening builds bridges. If all you are hearing is people who agree with you, then you need to ask for diverse perspectives. Seek to understand. Listening is not about waiting your turn to tell someone why he or she is wrong. It is about giving consideration, walking a mile in their shoes. Ultimately, you may not agree with the person or perspective, but by listening you start to build a bridge off that island. You expand your possibilities for future success. You lead.

Maybe it’s time to listen up.

“Experts” Need Not Apply

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ExpertHave you noticed how many “experts” there are out there today? No matter what the problem/challenge/opportunity before you, there is an expert who has an answer. That might seem like a great thing, and it can be in some cases. I’m just not at all sure that “experts” make the best leaders. Let me explain.

Experts know a lot about the thing they know about. In fact, I have run into many an expert who thinks they have THE answer about their area of focus. And that is exactly the problem. When you become an expert, when you have THE solution, you quit gathering new information, considering additional possibilities, or calculating the impact of changing variables. You have devoted years of effort to create an amazing hammer . . . and as a result, everything starts to look like a nail.

If an expert doesn’t make the best leader, who does? A life-long learner. It is fine to be a life-long learner with a lot of experience — in fact, that is highly desirable. So what is the difference between an expert and a life-long learner with a lot of experience? The former thinks they have found the answer, the latter is continually looking a better solution. The best leaders are seekers — not in terms of the “what” of their mission, but certainly in terms of the “how”.

Even when it appears they are at the top of their game, a leader committed to learning is always looking for ways to improve, to extend their reach, to have a greater impact. How?

  • They listen. To those who receive their services, those who provide their services, the “experts” who are happy to offer solutions, and others in the field . . . all of whom can contribute to a greater understanding of the issue at hand.

 

  • They challenge. Even when their organization enjoys great success, and it would be easy to sit on their laurels or pat themselves on the back, they are looking for a better way — either through small tweaks or bringing an entirely new approach to their efforts.

 

  • They don’t put limits on their thinking. It doesn’t matter if a concept comes from a different industry, from someone with no experience, or if it seems “impossible” given the current environment. “Why not?” and “What if” are regular parts of their conversations.

The best leaders continually expand their understanding. They can have a great deal of expertise, but always consider their efforts a work in progress. “Making it,” being an “expert” is a stopping point. Learners don’t stop. Who do you think is most likely to move your organization forward?

Unpluggable Leadership

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Hand Unplug Or PluggedCan you unplug as a leader? I’m not talking about being away from the office, but still tethered to your phone and computer. I’m talking about unplugging . . . not thinking about work for an extended period of time. It seems somewhere along the way, it became a status symbol for work to be like another appendage — always connected to your ear, your fingers, or at the very least your brain. And yet, you’ll be a healthier, more productive leader if you unplug on a regular basis.

Granted, being able to truly unplug does take some advance work. For example, does your organization have a culture of autonomy or dependency? Are your people allowed to make decisions and implement solutions, or do you expect them to come to you for every decision? News flash, if you’ve hired well and have a clearly communicated vision, in most instances your people will find solutions to the challenges before them. No, they won’t always handle things exactly the way you would, and you can process through their thinking and yours either before or after the decision is made. The point is . . . what are you doing to build your confidence, and that of your staff, that they are fully capable of making important decisions? A few suggestions:

  1. Have a clear expectation that for every challenge brought to you, one or more possible solutions are also suggested. This builds solution-focused thinking within your team. In most cases, they are closer to and have more information regarding the situation than you do, and thus are able to consider, or rule out, a wider range of possible responses. Solution- focused thinking is like a muscle . . . it expands through regular use.
  2. Listen and ask questions rather then provide answers. This is a tough one for some leaders. When a member of your team is discussing what they see as a possible solution, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. If you feel they may be missing an important factor, ask them if they considered it rather than telling them what you think they overlooked. Help them to tap into their own wisdom and problem-solving skills.
  3.  Let them run with it. Once you and your people gain confidence in their ability to handle complex decisions, you need to let them make them! Some leaders can feel a bit “left out” when their team starts making more decisions. Resist the urge to re-insert yourself where your people don’t need you. Stay informed as opposed to involved. The whole purpose of building a top-notch team is so you can focus your energies on more strategic, big-picture endeavors.

Which brings me back to my original point . . . one of the best ways to expand strategic, big picture thinking is to unplug on a regular basis. And ultimately, that’s the job of a leader, right — strategic, big-picture thinking? So what’s stopping you? Build the culture, grow your team, take a deep breath . . . and unplug.

Golden Leadership

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golden-leadershipWhat does one write in a leadership blog the day after one of the most contentious, divisive national elections in recent history? We need more leaders. I’m not talking about individuals who covet positions of leadership for the perceived power and prestige such roles might bring. I’m talking about people who feel compelled to step up to the plate, right where they are, to change a circumstance.

True leadership is not about a position. It is about having a purpose, and how you treat others on the way to fulfilling that purpose.

Which should be a source of encouragement, regardless of whether you are excited, anxious or in a bit of a stupor about the results of yesterday’s election. You can step up and take a leadership role, right now, right where you are, to work toward an improved circumstance. How?

For starters, listen. When was the last time you truly listened to someone who had a perspective different from your own — not with the goal of telling them why and how they are wrong, but to try to understand where they were coming from? You aren’t going to change someone’s perspective simply by shouting louder or questioning their intelligence, and you won’t make the best decisions by only listening to those who already agree with you. Granted, part of leadership is making decisions that won’t please everyone, however if you can allow those with a different perspective to feel heard, and treat them with respect, it is likely you will gain followers even if they don’t agree with every decision you make.

Secondly, be willing to question your thinking. No one is “right” all the time. And just because a decision might have been the best solution with one set of circumstances, when variables change sometimes the most appropriate response changes too. I’m not suggesting that you don’t hold true to your values and purpose. You absolutely should. However rigidity and an unwillingness to consider new information or to look for a “third way” doesn’t expand your influence or strengthen your position, it only makes it harder to accomplish your goal.

Finally, take the plank from your own eye before you go after the speck in someone else’s. Pointing fingers, being judgmental or condescending or patronizing lessens your own credibility more than that of those you are calling out. Again, that does not mean you should condone inappropriate actions or downplay your values, but somewhere along the way it seems we checked respect at the door. You can disagree with someone, or make the hard decisions, while still being respectful.

 Bottom line, the golden rule really is still golden. Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you are less than enthusiastic about those seeking positions of leadership, be a role model of the kind of leader you want. On this “day after” my challenge to each of you is simply this . . .

Be a golden example.

Leadership Quicksand

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Quicksand

There are many potential obstacles as you forge a path through the leadership jungle, but perhaps the one most likely to grab hold of you and suck you under — truly the quicksand of good leadership — is ego.

I’m not talking about confidence here. Confidence and ego, while often seen as one in the same, are really quite different. Confidence is inwardly focused . . . you have faith in your ability to come up with the best solution. Ego is externally focused . . . you want others to believe you have it all figured out. Confidence is calm, quiet even. Ego is brash and always trying to be in the limelight.

How do you know if you are approaching leadership quicksand, or if you’re already there, how do you keep from being swallowed alive? Here are a few tips for how to know if you are no longer standing on solid ground.

  • You are so sure you know the “best way” that you stop listening to the ideas and input of others.

 Pull your self out of the quagmire by asking others to contribute their best thinking to the issue. If you really have the best idea, it will stand up to different perspectives. And if others’ thinking makes your original ideal even better, then everyone is a winner!

  • You consistently take credit for the good work of your team.

If you’re stuck in quicksand, it is helpful to have someone there to help you out. If you’ve been pushing your team into the shadows . . . well, good luck. A confident leader knows his or her team will be there when things get tough, because they’ve been walking along side the leader the entire time.

  • You blame others when things don’t go the way you intended.

After all, as noted in #1 above, you knew the best way, right? So it must be someone else’s fault. Except while you are sputtering around, sinking deeper and pointing the finger at others, the confident leader is finding a path up and out of the current situation.

  • You think you are entitled to, or have earned, certain privileges.

It’s okay to ask for things to make your jungle journey easier. To expect them every time, or to get snarky when they don’t happen . . . feel yourself sinking? Sincere appreciation for the efforts of others will go a long way toward keeping you on solid ground.

You get the idea. It’s not about you. Which is not to say you aren’t a critical part of the equation. It’s when you start to think you’re the only part of the equation that really matters that you get sucked under.

It is a jungle out there. Don’t make the journey harder than it needs to be. Check your ego, and walk around the leadership quicksand.

Can You Hear Me Now?

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can-you-hear-me-now

One of the real challenges of leading, especially in today’s fast-paced 24/7 environment, is taking the time to “hear yourself think.” We listen to others, we read up on the latest trends, we review the numbers . . . we take in all kinds of data every day. And while understanding the data is important, it’s not enough. It is the layering of that information among and through our experience and context and perspective that yields the transformative ideas or innovative solutions. And to do that, you have to turn down the volume on everything else.

The trouble is, our picture of an effective leader rarely involves turning down the volume. It’s being available, and responding, and tackling the to do list … being productive! It’s similar to how some people can’t relax at home because they always see three more things that need to be done. To really relax, they have to be somewhere else. For me, to “turn down the volume,” I have to leave the office. Luckily (?) for me, our organization is located on the far edge of the state, so any statewide meetings I attend usually requires hours of travel time. No stacks to tend to, no interruptions, no meetings, usually not even a radio … Just me and the symphony of thoughts and ideas going on in my head.

Granted, a peaceful walk in the woods or relaxing next to a cracking fire might be a preferable way to listen to and sort through my thoughts, but hey, you take the breathing room wherever you can get it! Trust me, it’s worth the effort when the synapses start firing. Taking the time to sort through the tangle of “what ifs” in your head can reveal promising solutions that were sitting there all along, just waiting for you to come visit. But the ideas aren’t going to shout above the urgent crises of the day, and you can’t simply schedule 15 minutes for deep thinking (at least that’s never worked for me!) Nope, you have to intentionally carve out chunks of time … whether that’s on planes, trains and automobiles or, for the more disciplined among us, in a creative environment of your choosing.

The great ideas are in there, and if you slow down long enough to listen, you can almost hear them shouting, “Can you hear me now?” Maybe it’s time to listen up.

Two Ears, One Mouth

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A silenced business man isolated on white

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

                                                                                                ― Epictetus

I’m guessing many of you have heard this quote or some variation thereof, and yet an occasional reminder never hurts — especially when you are in a leadership position where people are looking to you to be the one to speak … about the vision … strategy … goals and expectations … waiting for guidance from you to plan their next action.

And it’s not just that people expect you to do more of the talking when you’re the leader, it also gets harder to really hear. Depending on the culture of your organization people might, consciously or unconsciously, start telling you what they think you want to hear more than what they are really thinking. Or they don’t bring up a concern if they sense you have already made up your mind about some thing. Or they aren’t comfortable “speaking truth to power.”

How can you shift the culture if the listening:speaking ratio in your organization is out of balance? For starters (this one from the Captain Obvious category), ask! Too often, we expect people to speak up if they have a concern, and yet we never “give them permission” to voice their opinion because we never ask.

Secondly, respect their feedback. Honoring their input is not necessarily the same as agreeing with or acting upon it, but it does mean that you give their feedback thoughtful consideration. An eye roll, or chuckle, or quick dismissal such as “we tried that before and it didn’t work” is the quickest way to insure that you won’t get the chance for 2X listening because people will quit speaking up.

Third, be willing to dig beyond the initial comment. Following up with a genuine (as opposed to snarky or condescending) how, why, or when question 1) shows you are really listening and not just waiting for your turn to speak; and 2) gives the individual the chance to add depth or context to their initial feedback, making it even more valuable. In my experience it is often the follow-up questions, rather than an initial comment, that brings to light the heart of an issue or concern.

Follow these basic guidelines consistently, and you’ll be amazed at what starts to happen. In short order, people will become more engaged and bring their best thinking to the discussion. Better decisions will be made, and your whole organization will ultimately be more successful.

It’s a simple concept. Talk less. Listen more. Great things happen and you get credit for being an insightful leader. . . Enough said.